Most people don't set out to cheat on their spouse.
It all starts small.
It begins with a thought that goes uncontested, perhaps even nurtured into a fantasy.
Those thoughts grow into an attitude and
then the attitude grows into a disposition.
That disposition erodes boundaries and clouds our sense of right and wrong.
笔记：事情起于微小，防微杜渐。thought --> fantasy --> attitude --> disposition --> erodes boundaries and clouds our sense of right and wrong
Outside Behavior
Avoid tempting situations
Winning early means staying away from traps. The last thing you want to do is find yourself alone with the object of your unhealthy desires, whether it is images or actual people. If contact with that person is a must, then make sure it is always in a public space and others are around. Set boundaries surrounding your phone, the computer, and TV. Find a partner who is willing to help you with accountability.
Avoid pornography
Besides the obvious reasons that avoiding porn will help guard against lust, there are psychological reasons as well. Porn creates unrealistic expectations and desensitizes our minds towards our spouses. They can't possibly live up to what is viewed, and would we even want them to? This pushes the focus of your sexual desires outside of the home and can only lead to paths of destruction.
Use social media with caution
There are many benefits of social media, but there are just as many pitfalls. We are reunited with people from our past and introduced to those who are new. Old sparks can be renewed or new ones can be lit. For a married man, this can be extremely perilous. Always remain alert to true intentions when using social media.
Choose your friends wisely
When battling sexual temptation, there are plenty of people we can find that will encourage and enable it. You can still be their friend, but by all means, avoid joining them in their poor relational choices.
Do right by the object of your affection
If you really can't keep your behavior in check around your boyfriend or girlfriend, it may be time to get married. This is God's intention and why he created husbands and wives, so that they can exercise these feelings in a way that pleases him.
Just keep in mind that you should marry someone who is a good match, spiritually, physically, and mentally, for you and only get married if you are ready to be serious about each other. If you can't take your relationship that seriously, you may not be ready for a sexual relationship.
Getting married to give yourself an outlet for sexual feelings should be a last resort. Marriage is a serious undertaking and should not be approached lightly.
Practice sexual intimacy
While there is no way to go back to how you felt when your relationship was new, there are certainly plenty of ways to regain that level of relational excitement. Improving communication, date nights, passionate kissing and thoughtful gestures are just a few examples. When our minds and hearts are occupied in the right place, sexual lust has little room to operate.
Inside Thinking
Acknowledge your needs
Most holy books acknowledge that sexual desire is normal, so don't feel bad about having sexual needs. Acknowledge them, because not doing so can create a very unhealthy mentality and make those feelings even stronger! Let yourself feel sexual feelings but do not act on them.
Consider the consequences
While pondering the object of your desire, also ponder the consequences of action. Is it going to help or hurt your marriage? How would your wife respond if she knew? Think about where your actions can lead and then imagine your wife finding out. Do you want to deal with the fallout? Always think of the end game. Where do you want to be? Are your thoughts and actions leading you there?
Question your intent
Most times, when our minds wander sexually, we aren't really seeking pure sex. We are seeking to replace something missing in our lives and our relationships. It could also be that we are trying to distract ourselves from dealing with something difficult. For each man, these things will be specific to his experiences. Figure out the root issue and work to correct it.
Keep high standards
To be a gentleman is a choice. A very good choice, and this world today needs many more. Despite the vast amount of temptations that life throws our way, we should hold ourselves to the highest of moral standards. Self-discipline in all areas of our life leads to positive results.
Redirect your passion
Rather than being controlled by untamed lust, direct that passion in positive directions. Use that energy to brainstorm about ways you can bless your wife. Perhaps focus on things that will make the world better like volunteering at a homeless shelter. Coach a youth sports team. Mentor troubled individuals.
Choose a fuller life
The key to a full life is found in relationships. Porn alienates us from one another and causes relational difficulty. It trains our brains to live in a fantasy world, rather than connect with real human beings. Selfishness is nurtured because porn is instant gratification at the expense of people being dehumanized. That leads to guilt, loneliness, and isolation. It is short-term exhilaration with long-term lower quality of life. Intimacy takes effort, patience, and investment, but the reward is abundance. Relational intimacy refines selflessness and the ability to love. Quitting porn is a choice for more. Commit to that choice every morning, every hour, and every evening.
Learn respect for yourself and others
If you allow lust to be the driver in your daily relations with others, then you're not connecting fully with yourself. You are allowing your bodily desires to determine who you are and how you behave, rather than letting your mind and personality do some of the thinking. Similarly, you are not respecting them by viewing them in this lustful way. If you truly have feelings for them, you will work hard to fight these feelings and do right by them (and yourself!).
Pray consistently
Prayer is the act of communicating your thoughts, worries, hopes and dreams to God. Lift up the desires you are feeling and ask for help. God made you and knows you and can deliver you time and time again.